my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize