Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
