I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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