You're completely useless in the revolution.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize