the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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