either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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