WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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