It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
