Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Never joke about your clitoris.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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