apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
