piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize