eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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