Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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