I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
