She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How external is "for external use only"?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
