ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
