He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
