Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize