I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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