If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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