Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
