and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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