So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
