Only a mothe r could love this liver
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
