I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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