I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
