You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
