it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
