I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
