I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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