I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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