We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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