Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
