Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
