mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize