with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
