i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
