Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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