Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How naked do you want me to be?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
