So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
