Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
