Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
