One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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