the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
