I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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