she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
