You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
