well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
birth control should be required to get into college
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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