It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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