it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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