it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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