I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
