dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize