If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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