I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
