let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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