i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
