They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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