remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
