Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize