Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How does one acquire holy water?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
