I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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