We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
