I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
