tonight lets celebrate not being married
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
