It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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